so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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