i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
