Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She's like a pop up book from hell.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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