My first STD was from a foam party
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Randomize
