Having a random hookup so left but love u
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
