we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize