he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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