better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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