he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
