We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
