Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
