My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
love makes seman taste better
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
