Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
