I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
