i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
