Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
