My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
