I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize