The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
