I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
