If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
