We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
did i walk over a car last night?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
