you guys were way drunker than both of me
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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