I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize