Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
