It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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