So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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