and i looked up. we had an audience...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
