Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
