nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
