In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
