Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
