This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
