Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
