Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
3 2 1 whiskey
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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