so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
