omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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