what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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