I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
