Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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