dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
