Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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