Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
