I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
