Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
