ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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