And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
