Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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