when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
