I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
