once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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