I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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