I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
