so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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