What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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