i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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