I think I won the penis lottery.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
