D3 body, D1 cock
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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