I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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