On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize