At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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