I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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