I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
