she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
