kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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