I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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