He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize