hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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