After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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