I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Is it because I queefed?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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