tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
