Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Of course I have a pirate flag
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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