ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
