Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
