just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
