did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
