Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
