Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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