omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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