you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
