forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
