I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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