Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
