but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize