There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
