apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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