i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
