Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
no you cant smoke seaweed
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
