It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So vagazzling was a success
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