Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize