U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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