Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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