Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize