i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
