i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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