it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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