you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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